L O Briscoe Funny Quotes

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Quotes

• Det. Lennie Briscoe : Love - a dangerous disease instantly cured by marriage.

• Det. Lennie Briscoe : Even though you are a taxpayer, you know, we don't actually work for you personally.

• Det. Lennie Briscoe : I specifically asked for him to be put on suicide watch. Apparently here at Riker's that mean that they watch you commit suicide.

• Det. Lennie Briscoe : Boy, I'd hate for somebody to trace me by what I read.

  Det. Rey Curtis : You read, Lennie?

• [a victim has died, apparently during S&M sex]

  Medical Examiner Elizabeth Rodgers : No defensive wounds.

  Det. Lennie Briscoe : That's odd.

  Medical Examiner Elizabeth Rodgers : Yeah, the fun part for these guys is the struggle AFTER they've been tied up.

  [pause]

  Medical Examiner Elizabeth Rodgers : Or so I've heard.

• Lt. Anita Van Buren : I'd like it if you two became real partners.

  Detective Lennie Briscoe : And I'd like it if my ex-wives got partners. No more alimony.

• [handcuffing a suspect]

  Det. Lennie Briscoe : You've heard of the Seven Rings of Saturn? These are the Two Rings of Riker's.

• Medical Examiner Elizabeth Rodgers : I got another body coming in. Guy took a javelin to the chest.

  Det. Lennie Briscoe : Why are you still in this line of work?

  Medical Examiner Elizabeth Rodgers : Free javelins.

• Det. Lennie Briscoe : I'm trying to decide what to arrest you for - obstruction of justice, harboring a fugitive or just being a general pain in the ass!

• Det. Lennie Briscoe : I told you, you should have gone to bed with her. You're getting the grief without getting the gravy.

• Det. Lennie Briscoe : You know, if I didn't already know you don't have kids, I'd know you don't have kids.

• Det. Lennie Briscoe : [in disgust to Det. Ed Green] Ed, I sold my plantation over a century ago.

• [looking at a hospital sign that says "Pediatric Oncology"]

  Det. Lennie Briscoe : Now there's two words that should never go together.

• [Rifling through 30-year old evidence]

  Det. Lennie Briscoe : I got one word for you, Rey - plastics.

• Lt. Anita Van Buren : Do you believe him?

  Det. Lennie Briscoe : I believe on a good day he couldn't hit his ass with both hands.

• Det. Lennie Briscoe : Just like the Bates Hotel. They check in but they never check out.

• [the driver of a Jaguar has been shot; a carjacking is suspected]

  Det. Ed Green : Just give up the car! Man, when are people gonna realize it isn't worth your life?

  Det. Lennie Briscoe : Spoken like somebody who's never owned a Jag.

• Detective Lennie Briscoe : We had a deal, you son of a bitch!

• Det. Lennie Briscoe : I want to go to law school so I can learn how to turn gold into lead.

• Det. Lennie Briscoe : I don't like to be second guessed!

  [referring to Ed Green]

  Det. Lennie Briscoe : I've been walking on eggshells the whole time he's been here!

• Lt. Anita Van Buren : If he's not Fallon, who the hell is he?

  Det. Lennie Briscoe : Well the FBI says he's not in the witness protection program but they mighta had their fingers crossed.

• Det. Lennie Briscoe : We got a hit on the fake fur.

  Det. Rey Curtis : Yeah, you'll never guess what they make them out of.

  Lt. Anita Van Buren : Recycled soda bottles. What else did you find out?

• Det. Lennie Briscoe : "Oh hello Mrs. Russell, you daughter was raped and shot in the head". You want me to do it?

• Det. Lennie Briscoe : [reading off a video case containing a snuff film] "The girls next door, the girls you've always dreamed about. Behind closed doors for the first time."

  Det. Mike Logan : For the LAST time.

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Source: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0098844/characters/nm0001583

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